Confucius say... | (only if he lived in my world)

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol content.

Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.

I see your IQ test results were negative.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."