girlfriend-related pointers

1. girls do not know how to make kool-aid. even if you show them how to measure out the correct amount of sugar, and the line that shows you where to stop adding water, somehow, it'll always end up tasting like you emptied a package of lick-m-aid into a cup and filled it with water.

2. do not listen to her when she tells you that maple syrup that's been in the cupboard since 1997 is alright for eating.

3. do not believe her when she tells you that she's fine. that's supposed to be your cue to use every nurturing skill you have to drag her true feelings out.

4. do surprise her by vacuuming the living room, even though the sound of the vacuum sorta' freaks you out.

(Edited by JuggleFoe at 3:58 am on June 17, 2001)

Ah, hell. I already knew all of those!

well, add your own then, smarty pants!

5. do not answer her when she asks "Do I look fat?" Distract her with a question of your own like "What was that movie you wanted to see? I'm going to check the listings to see if it's playing."

well, if she isn't fat, it's not so hard to answer.

i usually reply with "no, you look fine. if you do start getting fat, i'll start slapping you around, so you'll know...".

3. do not believe her when she tells you that she's fine. that's supposed to be your cue to use every nurturing skill you have to drag her true feelings out.

SO true.

Yeah, that one's my favorite too.  knowfury, are you a girl?

ehm... i'm pretty sure she's a female. she's got wee'uns...

I can't be included in the wild generalisation of 'girls do not know how to make kool-aid' because we don't have it here in thee land down under.
 
  I bet it tastes like crap anyway mwahah I can already hear JuggleFoe running to defend his Koolaid.

Speaking of vacuum cleaners, does anyone else have the problem of their dog trying to make sweet love to it every time you turn it on?

hahahaha.

no, we don't have a dog. sometimes shiza tries to have lesbian cat sex with j.a.'s slippers, though...

Quote: from Contraband on 12:24 pm on June 18, 2001
I bet it tastes like crap anyway mwahah I can already hear JuggleFoe running to defend his Koolaid.

sour grapes? hehehehe. it comes in all sorts of different flavors, dear.

Speaking of vacuum cleaners, does anyone else have the problem of their dog trying to make sweet love to it every time you turn it on?

Erm....no, I can't say that I do.

Actually, everytime our vacuum cleaner is on the dog runs away. I think it could be because he had his testicles cut off.

As long as the nozzle's pointed towards it, our dog just flees under a bed or something. When The cleaners' 'back' is exposed, the little critter assaults it bravely. That's when you stick the nozzle quickly to it's side or butt and look at the dog go!!

one of our cats (vivian) has this deathly fear of the street sweeper.

Does anyone have a good response to the aggravating "What are you thinking about?" query?

Go see "What women want" again....

No really, I have a joke about it. Sitcom type, but I like it:
God comes to grant a wish to his most faithful priest. He tells him "You've been serving me so well, it's time for you to tell me what you want!"
"Well God, I've never been to Hawaii. Can you make a highway from here to Hawaii? I know it's hard, there are thousands of km, but still..." God: (disappointed) "I thought you were going to ask me something for the spirit, something deeper..." "Ok, I want to know what are women thinking when you aks them and they reply "nothing..."" God looks at him and says "With two or four lanes?"