---(+ Holy Buffalo +)---

» Welcome Guest: log in

    ---(+ Holy Buffalo +)---
     Arts
         Poem?
                 ...or verbal pollution
Mark all forum posts as read [ help ]
» Welcome to Arts «

Topic Jump
<< Back Next >> Single Page for this topic
Forum moderated by: Inertia, JuggleFoe

Girl Fly

Initiate

Total Posts: 90
Joined: May 2001 Posted on: 5:29 pm on Aug. 29, 2001 | | IP

You bring tingles to the spine I thought boneless
And your reassuring rhetoric eases me into the conversation of the evening
The dark cold evening
Motherless yet more for being myself
When I tap at your keys, you answer
And when I knock the combination, you're there
How wonderful, how perfect that you're there
That you are.

-----
My signature is great.

WillowStyx

Initiate

Total Posts: 2
Joined: Aug. 2001 Posted on: 2:58 am on Aug. 31, 2001 | | IP

I kinda like it. It has a lasting intrinsic 'tingly' quality which is good.
My only real problem with it is this line:
"And your reassuring rhetoric eases me into the conversation of the evening"
It just dosent really fit...
I'd suggest you replace it with something simpler but which still gets your point across.

Girl Fly

Initiate

Total Posts: 90
Joined: May 2001 Posted on: 10:01 am on Aug. 31, 2001 | | IP

"simpler"?

I don't do Anglo Saxon.

-----
My signature is great.

Topic Jump
<< Back Next >> Single Page for this topic

	---(+ Holy Buffalo +)--- Arts Poem? ...or verbal pollution
	Mark all forum posts as read [ help ] » Welcome to Arts «