http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/ Mon, 20 Apr 2026 09:36:50 +0000 MyBB http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=276 Tue, 08 Apr 2003 20:47:35 +0000 JuggleFoe]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=276
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[center][/center]]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=275 Mon, 07 Apr 2003 22:23:36 +0000 JuggleFoe]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=275 [/center]

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[center][/center]]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=274 Mon, 09 Dec 2002 21:16:55 +0000 CardsForSorrow]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=274
And in the purity of the earth do you feel the dancing presence of the past and future, of all that ever was or will come to be, and let it become not a part of your conscious thought, but to grow like a love inside you?

Do you willingly yield to life a piece of your being, as you would to a lover or a child, knowing that what you give may be returned a million times over, or, at the flip of a coin, not at all?

Or do you fear that embracing life within yourself will leave you feeling as an unrequited love, or the mother of a stillborn, broken, and having lost a piece of your own self.

Are you afraid that with every step you tread you fall deeper into the abyss that is so aptly named fate, and do you fear pulling with you all those you love, and so to avoid this ends, push away from yourself all intimacy, and tear your shadowed soul to pieces?

Why do we question life when life itself is the answer to every question we need to live?]]>
And in the purity of the earth do you feel the dancing presence of the past and future, of all that ever was or will come to be, and let it become not a part of your conscious thought, but to grow like a love inside you?

Do you willingly yield to life a piece of your being, as you would to a lover or a child, knowing that what you give may be returned a million times over, or, at the flip of a coin, not at all?

Or do you fear that embracing life within yourself will leave you feeling as an unrequited love, or the mother of a stillborn, broken, and having lost a piece of your own self.

Are you afraid that with every step you tread you fall deeper into the abyss that is so aptly named fate, and do you fear pulling with you all those you love, and so to avoid this ends, push away from yourself all intimacy, and tear your shadowed soul to pieces?

Why do we question life when life itself is the answer to every question we need to live?]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=273 Wed, 20 Feb 2002 04:19:05 +0000 Fallen]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=273
The music isn’t helping me any. This goddamned music isn’t helping me, at all. I should turn it off- I really should.
I should lie down and take a small nap. I need one, a nap- that is.
I wish I could stop the feeling. I wish I could stop the emotions. I wish I could make it stop. It keeps washing through me, and it’s washing me inside-out. Soon, I'll be drifting out with the tide, tired and worn and useless. That could, easily, describe how I've felt for the last six months- tired and worn and useless.
See also: apathetic, beaten, listless. I should turn off the music.
I hate this so much. What is this? Could you please tell me? I do need to know- really, I do. Goddamn, how I hate this. I feel so horrible, all the time, now.
See also: terrible, miserable, goddamned filthy. I need to turn off this goddamn music.
I can feel the glass of the mirror in the bathroom cold beneath my hands. I can feel the belts in the closet, warm between my fingers. I can feel the wind taking me upwards onto the roof.
See also: pills, razors, guns. Refer back to: unoriginality.
This music is annoying the living hell out of me.
With the sound of thunder, the burning of carved skin, or the tightening of a noose- the music will finally stop. Maybe then, I'll have the rest I need.]]>
The music isn’t helping me any. This goddamned music isn’t helping me, at all. I should turn it off- I really should.
I should lie down and take a small nap. I need one, a nap- that is.
I wish I could stop the feeling. I wish I could stop the emotions. I wish I could make it stop. It keeps washing through me, and it’s washing me inside-out. Soon, I'll be drifting out with the tide, tired and worn and useless. That could, easily, describe how I've felt for the last six months- tired and worn and useless.
See also: apathetic, beaten, listless. I should turn off the music.
I hate this so much. What is this? Could you please tell me? I do need to know- really, I do. Goddamn, how I hate this. I feel so horrible, all the time, now.
See also: terrible, miserable, goddamned filthy. I need to turn off this goddamn music.
I can feel the glass of the mirror in the bathroom cold beneath my hands. I can feel the belts in the closet, warm between my fingers. I can feel the wind taking me upwards onto the roof.
See also: pills, razors, guns. Refer back to: unoriginality.
This music is annoying the living hell out of me.
With the sound of thunder, the burning of carved skin, or the tightening of a noose- the music will finally stop. Maybe then, I'll have the rest I need.]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=272 Thu, 27 Dec 2001 23:23:51 +0000 JuggleFoe]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=272 [/center]]]> [/center]]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=271 Tue, 25 Dec 2001 23:40:52 +0000 Nyx]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=271 And a strength that has failed so many times
And she cries so loudly the darkness seems to stretch forever
She felt the heat the fevered dreams of not being
And to grasp the abnormalities of a soothing reality without pain
The numbness is what she seeks but it drives her insane

Breathe a word
Deep in the belly of a great beast the changing corrections of a conspiracy
Of total lies and brief obliviation that finds the flowers of a forgotten beauty
And writhing in an abominable pit of her false pretenses without such comforts as true
delusion she finds that she, the girl must play the part of an actress unseen
And while her life is fine she's still coming apart at the seams

A riff of almighty predjustice is rife with wanton sex and to cleanse the skin could be
perceived as a sin
Unnatural holiness under the 'scope for those to see how all these things came to be

But the beat will not stop and the pulsing of something she despises finds its way into her
ears
Multiplying her fears and bringing down her value to but a fraction of an already small
amount

Conceited goats with a fetish for those things akin to the skin
Without so much as a word
And the softest words tend to scream for alleviation
Screeching for this wooden light to quit beaming its inadequacies
Will she find a way?
But is there, really?

The filth of a thousand acts of a performer who cannot contemplate the irreversible
damage done to the props
With a slicing of throats she learns that death isn't forever
Just moreover a way past those things that tend to haunt you

Repeating trash that buries deep into her skull
Searching for a way to find a way out
Clutching to her breast she finds herself chilled
And all those truths led a path straight to a heart wide open
With a stench of putrid emotions
May she sever her heart from her body
To find a way to become totally numb

A rather severe punishment that belittles one and demeans the morals of a being that
lacks the depth it takes for the perception of the true flaws

Eloquent gestures to reach for the tender touch
But it floats away on heavenly wings that belong to an angel but has the face of a demon

And finally she lies
In more ways than one
Rest will not come
But she'll find a way
To make sure she pays

And I wish I were gone]]> And a strength that has failed so many times
And she cries so loudly the darkness seems to stretch forever
She felt the heat the fevered dreams of not being
And to grasp the abnormalities of a soothing reality without pain
The numbness is what she seeks but it drives her insane

Breathe a word
Deep in the belly of a great beast the changing corrections of a conspiracy
Of total lies and brief obliviation that finds the flowers of a forgotten beauty
And writhing in an abominable pit of her false pretenses without such comforts as true
delusion she finds that she, the girl must play the part of an actress unseen
And while her life is fine she's still coming apart at the seams

A riff of almighty predjustice is rife with wanton sex and to cleanse the skin could be
perceived as a sin
Unnatural holiness under the 'scope for those to see how all these things came to be

But the beat will not stop and the pulsing of something she despises finds its way into her
ears
Multiplying her fears and bringing down her value to but a fraction of an already small
amount

Conceited goats with a fetish for those things akin to the skin
Without so much as a word
And the softest words tend to scream for alleviation
Screeching for this wooden light to quit beaming its inadequacies
Will she find a way?
But is there, really?

The filth of a thousand acts of a performer who cannot contemplate the irreversible
damage done to the props
With a slicing of throats she learns that death isn't forever
Just moreover a way past those things that tend to haunt you

Repeating trash that buries deep into her skull
Searching for a way to find a way out
Clutching to her breast she finds herself chilled
And all those truths led a path straight to a heart wide open
With a stench of putrid emotions
May she sever her heart from her body
To find a way to become totally numb

A rather severe punishment that belittles one and demeans the morals of a being that
lacks the depth it takes for the perception of the true flaws

Eloquent gestures to reach for the tender touch
But it floats away on heavenly wings that belong to an angel but has the face of a demon

And finally she lies
In more ways than one
Rest will not come
But she'll find a way
To make sure she pays

And I wish I were gone]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=270 Sat, 08 Dec 2001 16:01:10 +0000 Nyx]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=270
http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N...m-high.jpg

This is me, or rather Nyx. I hope there aren't any furry-haters out there. o_0

http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N..._meeee.JPG

I don't particularily like this image any more, but with the poem it seems to have a slightly deeper meaning than just a doodle.

http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N..._mouse.JPG

Pic I did for someone. Just thought it was.. uhm, semi-cute. Coloured digitally. I apologyze for the poor colouring, as I have a very poor program.

http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N...ressed.gif

Pretty recent pic I did of Nyx, the bridge of the nose looks unnatural to me, but even though the picture is rather static I still like the expression, as it is very in-character.

I have more. Yay for me. But I won't post the links. Yay for you!]]>
http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N...m-high.jpg

This is me, or rather Nyx. I hope there aren't any furry-haters out there. o_0

http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N..._meeee.JPG

I don't particularily like this image any more, but with the poem it seems to have a slightly deeper meaning than just a doodle.

http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N..._mouse.JPG

Pic I did for someone. Just thought it was.. uhm, semi-cute. Coloured digitally. I apologyze for the poor colouring, as I have a very poor program.

http://velar.ctrl-c.liu.se/vcl/Artists/N...ressed.gif

Pretty recent pic I did of Nyx, the bridge of the nose looks unnatural to me, but even though the picture is rather static I still like the expression, as it is very in-character.

I have more. Yay for me. But I won't post the links. Yay for you!]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=269 Fri, 16 Nov 2001 17:31:43 +0000 Fallen]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=269 I usually wake up sometime before seven, and if I can, I take a shower to try to wake up or loosen up my muscles, something doctors have told me to do. I rarely ever put on make-up in the mornings. I ever rarely put on make-up. I have this thing against make-up, among other things, because so many people abuse it. It's meant to be applied liberally which does not, I repeat DOES NOT, mean to apply it with a large paintbrush only to be scraped off later with a mixture of soap and paint thinner. Though there are those times when you feel the sudden urge to be daring, or ridiculous (whichever you prefer) and bring on the clown make-up. This being a practice I don't participate in much, of course. Make-up to me is just about like everything else. (Ex: religion, drugs, alcohol, sex) If you use it too much it becomes a part of you, and you've lost the original idea. Although, my strong aversion to make-up could also be due to my love of sleep which prevents having time to ever put any on. But no really, make-up is evil.
I live with my mother at the moment, though I don't know how long this'll last. I seem to have this habit of hopping merrily from home to home. Mum seems to be the last place I can go to right now, so I try to get along with her. Don't get me wrong, I love the woman, but I despise her just as well. I despise her ignorance, her naivety, her disgustingly optimistic facade....it drives me mad some days. Whenever we're driving my eyes always seem to fall downwards as we drive along the highway. It reminds me of the first and third Sundays when we used to make the long drive to see my brother in northern Mississippi. After we saw him we always had to board a bus back to the parking lot. On the bus ride back to our car, I always watched the drowned fields as we passed by. After I had to let go, it always seemed so terrible outside without him. The fields were always drowned in what seemed like sorrow, even should it be that the sun was out and the temperature was exceeding upwards into the 100's. A lot of times when I'm in a car somewhere, I can close my eyes and still see the impression of the fields and the never ending tree lines. I miss the days I used to be able to spend with my brother, and the times I used to have with mum. A lot of times I look at her and wish that I was still younger, and I still thought the world of her. I miss the person she used to be; I miss the person I used to be.
One of our morning rituals is to stop at the convenience store near the high school, for me to get some chocolate milk and maybe a biscuit. The only things that I can drink are chocolate milk, milk and Sunkist. Anything else makes me terribly sick to my stomach. I also can't brush my teeth in the morning either, because even the toothpaste makes me ill. Another thing I have against make-up is the smell of it, it also makes me sick. I can't smell or taste things usually. Anything that smells strong enough for me to smell, will usually make me sick somehow.
By the time we finally get to school (even the speed bumps make me ill) it's between seven thirty and seven forty-five, so I can go talk to Cody and Necole. I adore them both, and they're sometimes the only reasons I come to school-despite the part where I'm kind of ordered by the state, but it doesn't matter! The four of us, four when you count Matt, usually end up having some of the...oddest conversations. We all share similar beliefs for the most part and a similar view of life. As of lately, I've gritted my teeth a lot because of Necole. She's dating a guy named Zach that I'd been "talking" to for some time before they hooked up. Even though I spend more time with him then she does, it doesn't matter. I'm also pretty angry with myself that I could be jealous over something, and jealous enough to not talk to Necole. But, I really don't have a family and so my friends are all I have. I regard them with such respect, and protect them with ferocity. I couldn't believe she didn't talk to me about the ordeal with him before she "asked him out." This being another practice I despise.
My first block class, as you would know, is Drama. Another reason I come to school some days. The lack of talent is as funny as it is pathetic, though the arrogance some people have because of their "acting abilities" annoys me some days. Let us not mention any names of very socially-rounded people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of anyone, it just annoys me when people are so proud. I'm happy you're black or gay or a starving artist; more power to you. I don't have anything against anyone, in the exception of ignorance. People who flaunt their ignorance absolutely disgust me. People who also claim to be the 'oppressed people' annoy me as well. I used to volunteer in homeless shelters and institutions for the mentally and physically handicapped along with many other various organizations that actually help oppressed people. I don't like people who whine, you know, the "Woe is me" people. They're everywhere. People think I'm anti-social sometimes, it's only because I don't really like them. I'm sincerely one of the most outgoing, bold, loud people you'll ever meet if you catch me when I'm not a prisoner at Gulf Shores Reformatory for the Socially-Rounded.
My next class would be Technology, a class I would obviously adore should it not be for Mrs. I'm Proud I'm a Southern American Religious Person. Not that I have anything against her, she merely annoys me. But at least I don't mention any names. This might also be another person that scrapes it off at night with the paint thinner. I'll be proud of my old age one day, days which I look forward to. You can act stupid, not ignoran, and do stupid things, say stupid things and people will just dismiss you as senile. If you do them when you're younger, some person like me might come along and wince, THEN dismiss you as ignorant. But only if it's before noon and my day is still somewhere back in bed where I would rather be. In this class somewhere I retreat to the internet to talk to Ile, who I love dearly.
At the time he's in Kotka, which is in southern Finland. He's opened my eyes to so much around me, and I've done the same for him but at a much greater scale. Some days I wish I could see things through his eyes, and experience things through his fingertips. Sadly enough I won't be able to see him for some time.
I miss him a lot.
Another one of my 'things' is that I become attached to people I open up to- quick. Stephanie knows me more than anyone, and Necole listens to everything I say. Cody loves me for who I am, and Zach is someone I have to call a weenie. But Ile...
I'm still somewhere in northern Mississippi with my brother, and at home with Zane. I'm over in the UK with Richard and Victoria as they exchange precious words that people here abuse, and in Glasgow with my sweet Buggy who can't stop muddying the waters of his life. I open up so much for my friends, and I don't think they ever really realize it.  I stayed in Texas with Al after I left. I stayed in New Jersey with Danny when I had to go home. I stayed behind, six feet under, when the only people I'd ever grown to love left me one by one. My friends...are everything to me, and this comes through in my writing, in my art, in my poetry, in my music, in everything I do. Because of this I have high expectations and when they can't be met I fall hard, and my scrapes and wounds don't heal quickly. I try to be a forgiving person, but in the past it never got me anywhere that much. During second block, this is all I think about. Throughout my day, these are my thoughts.
Whenever I finally have to go to my third block class, Algebra, I'm usually tired and I keep looking at the clock. I always feel sick, and there's something about noon that makes me feel even sicker. In Algebra class I usually read, but I sleep a lot. I feel terrible about it most of the time and I try really hard to stay awake, but there's something terribly boring about that class and soon my attention is directed towards the back of my eyelids. I'm currently struggling in that class to keep a low C, which is a new experience for me. Never before in my life have I ever had to struggle for anything, academic wise anyhow. And suddenly, I'm not getting things and it's really making me angry that I'm not. I have to do all the homework now because my test grades won't keep me afloat. I have to do as much extra credit as I can because my homework and my test grades won't keep me afloat. I have to pay attention because if I don't I won't be able to stay afloat, and this being the year before I apply for admittance to the Alabama School of Mathematics and Science, where everything is on a college level. So at the time, I'm struggling in that class and it is indeed a new experience.
At last, is my retreat to lunch to sit with the gaggle once again. I remember when I first transferred to GSRSR I used to sit at the table across the aisle and watch them, wanting to sit there. But I was still scoping the place out, and so I didn't for sometime. I think it was after the church group I sat with starting singing country music on a regular basis that I finally decided enough scoping. Don't get me wrong, religion is fine for some people, but then again so is a kick in the head. Not to confuse the two.
I remember when Rosado yelled at me for my shoe laces...my shoe laces! It didn't matter that my entire shoes were white and that the people around me had shoes not even within a mile of dress code, but simply that my shoe laces were navy blue. It's such a hypocrisy here at GSRSR, but the entire world is a hypocrisy and you'll never get anywhere if it's all you think about. People confuse me a lot with many other pessimists, but I beg to differ. I'm simply Kristen, no subtitles please.
In fourth block I usually take out my practice of sleeping with my eyes open, which I've stopped on quite a few occasions seeing as where my eyes tend to roll back in my head while I'm doing this. I've read the entire Literature book and can't  believe that I'm in a CP class. As of lately, my teacher has been in the hospital and each day I've retreated somehow to the library to talk to Necole. Cody usually comes in a few minutes before the bells rings and we talk. Before we stole her grandmother's car, her grandmother usually wouldn't mind taking us home. Of course that was before we stole the car. Now I have to either ride the bus or find another ride home, because Necole's dad also decided that he didn't want to take me home either. My bus is full of screaming children, screaming SMALL children. I also have a thing against small children most of the time, I don't ever remember being that immature when I was that age, though I am now.
Whenever I get home I'm not sure what I do. I don't watch television either, another one of my "againsts" but I listen to a lot of music. And I sleep. I like to sleep. For the past few weeks I haven't been coming home in the afternoon, but rather staying out spending time with Cody. I like spending time with Cody. She has a certain innocence about her. She's crazy, but a naive kind of crazy. She doesn't have any inhibitions because she doesn't need them...yet. I don't like to talk on the phone a lot either, but I do if there's anything to be said. I spend a lot of time with my dogs, Andy and Rusty, and my cat, Bernie. I also spend a lot of time writing and painting. Somewhere in there I fall asleep, only to start another day cloaked in green shadows.





(Edited by Fallen at 10:18 am on Nov. 19, 2001)]]> I usually wake up sometime before seven, and if I can, I take a shower to try to wake up or loosen up my muscles, something doctors have told me to do. I rarely ever put on make-up in the mornings. I ever rarely put on make-up. I have this thing against make-up, among other things, because so many people abuse it. It's meant to be applied liberally which does not, I repeat DOES NOT, mean to apply it with a large paintbrush only to be scraped off later with a mixture of soap and paint thinner. Though there are those times when you feel the sudden urge to be daring, or ridiculous (whichever you prefer) and bring on the clown make-up. This being a practice I don't participate in much, of course. Make-up to me is just about like everything else. (Ex: religion, drugs, alcohol, sex) If you use it too much it becomes a part of you, and you've lost the original idea. Although, my strong aversion to make-up could also be due to my love of sleep which prevents having time to ever put any on. But no really, make-up is evil.
I live with my mother at the moment, though I don't know how long this'll last. I seem to have this habit of hopping merrily from home to home. Mum seems to be the last place I can go to right now, so I try to get along with her. Don't get me wrong, I love the woman, but I despise her just as well. I despise her ignorance, her naivety, her disgustingly optimistic facade....it drives me mad some days. Whenever we're driving my eyes always seem to fall downwards as we drive along the highway. It reminds me of the first and third Sundays when we used to make the long drive to see my brother in northern Mississippi. After we saw him we always had to board a bus back to the parking lot. On the bus ride back to our car, I always watched the drowned fields as we passed by. After I had to let go, it always seemed so terrible outside without him. The fields were always drowned in what seemed like sorrow, even should it be that the sun was out and the temperature was exceeding upwards into the 100's. A lot of times when I'm in a car somewhere, I can close my eyes and still see the impression of the fields and the never ending tree lines. I miss the days I used to be able to spend with my brother, and the times I used to have with mum. A lot of times I look at her and wish that I was still younger, and I still thought the world of her. I miss the person she used to be; I miss the person I used to be.
One of our morning rituals is to stop at the convenience store near the high school, for me to get some chocolate milk and maybe a biscuit. The only things that I can drink are chocolate milk, milk and Sunkist. Anything else makes me terribly sick to my stomach. I also can't brush my teeth in the morning either, because even the toothpaste makes me ill. Another thing I have against make-up is the smell of it, it also makes me sick. I can't smell or taste things usually. Anything that smells strong enough for me to smell, will usually make me sick somehow.
By the time we finally get to school (even the speed bumps make me ill) it's between seven thirty and seven forty-five, so I can go talk to Cody and Necole. I adore them both, and they're sometimes the only reasons I come to school-despite the part where I'm kind of ordered by the state, but it doesn't matter! The four of us, four when you count Matt, usually end up having some of the...oddest conversations. We all share similar beliefs for the most part and a similar view of life. As of lately, I've gritted my teeth a lot because of Necole. She's dating a guy named Zach that I'd been "talking" to for some time before they hooked up. Even though I spend more time with him then she does, it doesn't matter. I'm also pretty angry with myself that I could be jealous over something, and jealous enough to not talk to Necole. But, I really don't have a family and so my friends are all I have. I regard them with such respect, and protect them with ferocity. I couldn't believe she didn't talk to me about the ordeal with him before she "asked him out." This being another practice I despise.
My first block class, as you would know, is Drama. Another reason I come to school some days. The lack of talent is as funny as it is pathetic, though the arrogance some people have because of their "acting abilities" annoys me some days. Let us not mention any names of very socially-rounded people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of anyone, it just annoys me when people are so proud. I'm happy you're black or gay or a starving artist; more power to you. I don't have anything against anyone, in the exception of ignorance. People who flaunt their ignorance absolutely disgust me. People who also claim to be the 'oppressed people' annoy me as well. I used to volunteer in homeless shelters and institutions for the mentally and physically handicapped along with many other various organizations that actually help oppressed people. I don't like people who whine, you know, the "Woe is me" people. They're everywhere. People think I'm anti-social sometimes, it's only because I don't really like them. I'm sincerely one of the most outgoing, bold, loud people you'll ever meet if you catch me when I'm not a prisoner at Gulf Shores Reformatory for the Socially-Rounded.
My next class would be Technology, a class I would obviously adore should it not be for Mrs. I'm Proud I'm a Southern American Religious Person. Not that I have anything against her, she merely annoys me. But at least I don't mention any names. This might also be another person that scrapes it off at night with the paint thinner. I'll be proud of my old age one day, days which I look forward to. You can act stupid, not ignoran, and do stupid things, say stupid things and people will just dismiss you as senile. If you do them when you're younger, some person like me might come along and wince, THEN dismiss you as ignorant. But only if it's before noon and my day is still somewhere back in bed where I would rather be. In this class somewhere I retreat to the internet to talk to Ile, who I love dearly.
At the time he's in Kotka, which is in southern Finland. He's opened my eyes to so much around me, and I've done the same for him but at a much greater scale. Some days I wish I could see things through his eyes, and experience things through his fingertips. Sadly enough I won't be able to see him for some time.
I miss him a lot.
Another one of my 'things' is that I become attached to people I open up to- quick. Stephanie knows me more than anyone, and Necole listens to everything I say. Cody loves me for who I am, and Zach is someone I have to call a weenie. But Ile...
I'm still somewhere in northern Mississippi with my brother, and at home with Zane. I'm over in the UK with Richard and Victoria as they exchange precious words that people here abuse, and in Glasgow with my sweet Buggy who can't stop muddying the waters of his life. I open up so much for my friends, and I don't think they ever really realize it.  I stayed in Texas with Al after I left. I stayed in New Jersey with Danny when I had to go home. I stayed behind, six feet under, when the only people I'd ever grown to love left me one by one. My friends...are everything to me, and this comes through in my writing, in my art, in my poetry, in my music, in everything I do. Because of this I have high expectations and when they can't be met I fall hard, and my scrapes and wounds don't heal quickly. I try to be a forgiving person, but in the past it never got me anywhere that much. During second block, this is all I think about. Throughout my day, these are my thoughts.
Whenever I finally have to go to my third block class, Algebra, I'm usually tired and I keep looking at the clock. I always feel sick, and there's something about noon that makes me feel even sicker. In Algebra class I usually read, but I sleep a lot. I feel terrible about it most of the time and I try really hard to stay awake, but there's something terribly boring about that class and soon my attention is directed towards the back of my eyelids. I'm currently struggling in that class to keep a low C, which is a new experience for me. Never before in my life have I ever had to struggle for anything, academic wise anyhow. And suddenly, I'm not getting things and it's really making me angry that I'm not. I have to do all the homework now because my test grades won't keep me afloat. I have to do as much extra credit as I can because my homework and my test grades won't keep me afloat. I have to pay attention because if I don't I won't be able to stay afloat, and this being the year before I apply for admittance to the Alabama School of Mathematics and Science, where everything is on a college level. So at the time, I'm struggling in that class and it is indeed a new experience.
At last, is my retreat to lunch to sit with the gaggle once again. I remember when I first transferred to GSRSR I used to sit at the table across the aisle and watch them, wanting to sit there. But I was still scoping the place out, and so I didn't for sometime. I think it was after the church group I sat with starting singing country music on a regular basis that I finally decided enough scoping. Don't get me wrong, religion is fine for some people, but then again so is a kick in the head. Not to confuse the two.
I remember when Rosado yelled at me for my shoe laces...my shoe laces! It didn't matter that my entire shoes were white and that the people around me had shoes not even within a mile of dress code, but simply that my shoe laces were navy blue. It's such a hypocrisy here at GSRSR, but the entire world is a hypocrisy and you'll never get anywhere if it's all you think about. People confuse me a lot with many other pessimists, but I beg to differ. I'm simply Kristen, no subtitles please.
In fourth block I usually take out my practice of sleeping with my eyes open, which I've stopped on quite a few occasions seeing as where my eyes tend to roll back in my head while I'm doing this. I've read the entire Literature book and can't  believe that I'm in a CP class. As of lately, my teacher has been in the hospital and each day I've retreated somehow to the library to talk to Necole. Cody usually comes in a few minutes before the bells rings and we talk. Before we stole her grandmother's car, her grandmother usually wouldn't mind taking us home. Of course that was before we stole the car. Now I have to either ride the bus or find another ride home, because Necole's dad also decided that he didn't want to take me home either. My bus is full of screaming children, screaming SMALL children. I also have a thing against small children most of the time, I don't ever remember being that immature when I was that age, though I am now.
Whenever I get home I'm not sure what I do. I don't watch television either, another one of my "againsts" but I listen to a lot of music. And I sleep. I like to sleep. For the past few weeks I haven't been coming home in the afternoon, but rather staying out spending time with Cody. I like spending time with Cody. She has a certain innocence about her. She's crazy, but a naive kind of crazy. She doesn't have any inhibitions because she doesn't need them...yet. I don't like to talk on the phone a lot either, but I do if there's anything to be said. I spend a lot of time with my dogs, Andy and Rusty, and my cat, Bernie. I also spend a lot of time writing and painting. Somewhere in there I fall asleep, only to start another day cloaked in green shadows.





(Edited by Fallen at 10:18 am on Nov. 19, 2001)]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=268 Sat, 15 Sep 2001 23:36:40 +0000 CardsForSorrow]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=268
Now, as I go to Scotland, and some of the most difficult times of my life, and the gap between us is further, I know you will still be with me, for I carry you always in my heart. And perhaps what I have to say next will hold us closer together.

I just had to let you know that I love you, and have since I met you. I have been unable to tell you sooner, because I could not find the words. All the sentiments that expressed how I felt seemed old and worn out, and in some way, unnatural. I looked everywhere for an answer, to help me reach out to you as you have to me, but all I oculd find were shadows. Then I realized that the best way for me to touch you was to be honest, and to say what was in my heart. When I realised this the answer was with me, and the words flowed like a waterfall, cascading down the smoothed and worn landscape. So I knew what I had to say to you... I love you.

With all my heart, until the day I can fall asleep in your arms, wake up with your kiss on my cheek, an have all my dreams come true,

Your Lil]]>
Now, as I go to Scotland, and some of the most difficult times of my life, and the gap between us is further, I know you will still be with me, for I carry you always in my heart. And perhaps what I have to say next will hold us closer together.

I just had to let you know that I love you, and have since I met you. I have been unable to tell you sooner, because I could not find the words. All the sentiments that expressed how I felt seemed old and worn out, and in some way, unnatural. I looked everywhere for an answer, to help me reach out to you as you have to me, but all I oculd find were shadows. Then I realized that the best way for me to touch you was to be honest, and to say what was in my heart. When I realised this the answer was with me, and the words flowed like a waterfall, cascading down the smoothed and worn landscape. So I knew what I had to say to you... I love you.

With all my heart, until the day I can fall asleep in your arms, wake up with your kiss on my cheek, an have all my dreams come true,

Your Lil]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=267 Sun, 09 Sep 2001 21:57:41 +0000 CardsForSorrow]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=267 "Only tears can wash away the stains of my sorrows, but even these old friends have abandoned me, and left me in the dark with nothing to see me through to the morning"

"I waited for sleep to take my hand, and walk me to the morning, but the image of your face kept my weary eyes from closing, my heavy head from resting, and my bleeding heart from beating slower"

"I heard your voice whisper to me in the night, and it made me wonder if somewhere your soul was crying out to me, as mine was to you. But the cold hands of a loneliness that you had left me with were pulling me back, back to reality, back to my unforgiving, and cold bed"]]> "Only tears can wash away the stains of my sorrows, but even these old friends have abandoned me, and left me in the dark with nothing to see me through to the morning"

"I waited for sleep to take my hand, and walk me to the morning, but the image of your face kept my weary eyes from closing, my heavy head from resting, and my bleeding heart from beating slower"

"I heard your voice whisper to me in the night, and it made me wonder if somewhere your soul was crying out to me, as mine was to you. But the cold hands of a loneliness that you had left me with were pulling me back, back to reality, back to my unforgiving, and cold bed"]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=266 Sat, 08 Sep 2001 22:01:11 +0000 Glacialis]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=266 ----------------

-Storm-

My sweet wind
My love, the rain
Touch my heart,
set me free

Howl my pain
Leave only the beauty
the beauty of life
of silent calm
with fingers of wind
playing with the deceased

Wind, sweet force
take my fear, my hate
I have no need for them
Give me my sadness,
solemn joy

But you stay your hand
Need I bleed my life
on the ground
To become as cold
as the earth I tread
upon, before you grant me
the peace, my sweet love

-My Love-

My love

I needen't to become jelous
You belong to me, and other
spirits such as I
There cannot be anything else

Weepyour tears on me
as I'm but an empty shell,
a hollow essence
walking these shores

Call me back to you
To your dark cold womb
Sing to me the lullaby of
my siblings,
scattered in the world
in their pain

There is but one
Eternal circle
Life and death
All else is meaningless

(Edited by Glacialis at 1:01 am on Sep. 9, 2001)]]> ----------------

-Storm-

My sweet wind
My love, the rain
Touch my heart,
set me free

Howl my pain
Leave only the beauty
the beauty of life
of silent calm
with fingers of wind
playing with the deceased

Wind, sweet force
take my fear, my hate
I have no need for them
Give me my sadness,
solemn joy

But you stay your hand
Need I bleed my life
on the ground
To become as cold
as the earth I tread
upon, before you grant me
the peace, my sweet love

-My Love-

My love

I needen't to become jelous
You belong to me, and other
spirits such as I
There cannot be anything else

Weepyour tears on me
as I'm but an empty shell,
a hollow essence
walking these shores

Call me back to you
To your dark cold womb
Sing to me the lullaby of
my siblings,
scattered in the world
in their pain

There is but one
Eternal circle
Life and death
All else is meaningless

(Edited by Glacialis at 1:01 am on Sep. 9, 2001)]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=265 Sat, 01 Sep 2001 18:18:49 +0000 JuggleFoe]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=265 ]]> ]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=264 Fri, 31 Aug 2001 03:34:30 +0000 Morgan]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=264
I went to a dinner party a week ago for my father's house. I didn't really know anyone there because I haven't spoken to my father in years, so I felt a bit left out. They all spoke of their trust funds, their retirement, their social security.. but what about me? I need to be secure too, dad. No one really understands me when I say that. I don't mean I need $500 a day and a paid off house to be secure. Anyway, I saw the CEO of a major toilet company drop a tiny black book on the floor, so I picked it up. I think it's the nice thing to give it back without bothering it, so I took it into the bathroom to peruse. You wouldn't believe what I found. That man has three dates in one day! What I wouldn't give to have even one date. His name is Herman and he is a Scorpio. When I was done scoping out his planner or whatever you want to call it, I noticed some certain things that bothered me. The toilet was far too close to the counter. What if I had my toothbrush on the counter and someone accidentally knocked it into the toilet? That's not what bothered me most, though. What bothered me most was the toothpaste. Whoever used this toothpaste didn't follow instructions. They squeezed far too much per brushing and from the middle of the tube. Everyone knows toothpaste tubes are meant to be used from bottom to the tip, rolling the tube up as the toothpaste is used. I think that said a lot of that person. I wasn't really sure if it was my father's or one of his guests', since a few had been staying there that night, so I blamed it on Herman. I left the bathroom and went back to where I was standing earlier, but I conveniently hid his planner in my coat pocket. As the night wore on, I felt myself being more and more irritated by the toothpaste, so I went back into the bathroom and took it. On my way out I realized if anyone found out I took the toothpaste I would be blamed for the planner, so I darted back to the counter and placed it precisely how it was before. No one could know I had touched it. No one could know I had been there. I had to sit in the tub for a while to figure out what I was going to do about Herman..he couldn't just get away with what he had done..no. He had to be dealt with appropriately. It was then that I noticed something I hadn't before. Someone, Herman was my guess, had left hair in the hairbrush. God! I wanted to see what other crimes Herman had committed in just this bathroom, so I pulled out the sliding drawer. While I was looking through the various make-ups, heartburn pills, and hair care products, Herman and his son came into the room with my father. When they asked me what I was doing, I turned to them, slowly smiled and said "I'm not crazy, I'm just curious."

--------

Hmm.. anyone have anything to say? Criticism? Just think it's stupid? Whatever, I want to hear it all!]]>
I went to a dinner party a week ago for my father's house. I didn't really know anyone there because I haven't spoken to my father in years, so I felt a bit left out. They all spoke of their trust funds, their retirement, their social security.. but what about me? I need to be secure too, dad. No one really understands me when I say that. I don't mean I need $500 a day and a paid off house to be secure. Anyway, I saw the CEO of a major toilet company drop a tiny black book on the floor, so I picked it up. I think it's the nice thing to give it back without bothering it, so I took it into the bathroom to peruse. You wouldn't believe what I found. That man has three dates in one day! What I wouldn't give to have even one date. His name is Herman and he is a Scorpio. When I was done scoping out his planner or whatever you want to call it, I noticed some certain things that bothered me. The toilet was far too close to the counter. What if I had my toothbrush on the counter and someone accidentally knocked it into the toilet? That's not what bothered me most, though. What bothered me most was the toothpaste. Whoever used this toothpaste didn't follow instructions. They squeezed far too much per brushing and from the middle of the tube. Everyone knows toothpaste tubes are meant to be used from bottom to the tip, rolling the tube up as the toothpaste is used. I think that said a lot of that person. I wasn't really sure if it was my father's or one of his guests', since a few had been staying there that night, so I blamed it on Herman. I left the bathroom and went back to where I was standing earlier, but I conveniently hid his planner in my coat pocket. As the night wore on, I felt myself being more and more irritated by the toothpaste, so I went back into the bathroom and took it. On my way out I realized if anyone found out I took the toothpaste I would be blamed for the planner, so I darted back to the counter and placed it precisely how it was before. No one could know I had touched it. No one could know I had been there. I had to sit in the tub for a while to figure out what I was going to do about Herman..he couldn't just get away with what he had done..no. He had to be dealt with appropriately. It was then that I noticed something I hadn't before. Someone, Herman was my guess, had left hair in the hairbrush. God! I wanted to see what other crimes Herman had committed in just this bathroom, so I pulled out the sliding drawer. While I was looking through the various make-ups, heartburn pills, and hair care products, Herman and his son came into the room with my father. When they asked me what I was doing, I turned to them, slowly smiled and said "I'm not crazy, I'm just curious."

--------

Hmm.. anyone have anything to say? Criticism? Just think it's stupid? Whatever, I want to hear it all!]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=263 Thu, 30 Aug 2001 00:29:37 +0000 Girl Fly]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=263 And your reassuring rhetoric eases me into the conversation of the evening
The dark cold evening
Motherless yet more for being myself
When I tap at your keys, you answer
And when I knock the combination, you're there
How wonderful, how perfect that you're there
That you are.]]> And your reassuring rhetoric eases me into the conversation of the evening
The dark cold evening
Motherless yet more for being myself
When I tap at your keys, you answer
And when I knock the combination, you're there
How wonderful, how perfect that you're there
That you are.]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=262 Wed, 29 Aug 2001 04:51:44 +0000 JuggleFoe]]> http://holybuffalo.net/mybb/showthread.php?tid=262
check this stuff out.

i think i smell a series of avatars coming...

click here]]>
check this stuff out.

i think i smell a series of avatars coming...

click here]]>