( originally posted at :
http://www.delphi.com/wrestlecrap/messages?msg=1660.5 )
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dark match:
crowbar VS al snow
hardcore falls count anywhere match.
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the two wrestlers make their entrance, with no explaination of why they're wrestling eachother tonight, and get right to it. the usual stuff from these two, but for some reason, every now and then, crowbar stops paying attention, and starts staring at "head", which is placed on the apron, under the turnbuckles as usual.
this puzzles al at first, but the more crowbar keeps doing it, the angrier al gets. al decides to get a chair, and just lay this guy out and get it over and done with. after landing about 5 chairshots to crowbar, all gets frustrated, and leaves crowbar to talk to "head" while he goes and gets the ring steps, and brings them in the ring.
al gives crowbar another chairshot, and then picks him up and gives him a ddt onto the chair. crowbar seems to be unconscious. he then brings him over to the steel steps, and sets his head face down on the steel steps. al then steps through the ropes and stands on the apron, and pulls off a slingshot legdrop onto the back of crowbar's neck.
al gets back into the ring and grabs head, and puts "head" up to his face, like he's taking orders from it. behind his back, crowbar is actually getting up...
al turns around to see crowbar coming to his feet, and making one of his silly wide-smile faces. al flashes a strange face, seemingly asking "what will it take to put this guy down?". crowbar does one of his familiar bits, where he runs around and throws himself down on his back. al asks "head" what to do. al nods, and then lays crowbar out with head. but it doesn't phase crowbar. crowbar knocks head out of al's hands, and gives him an irish whip, and puts al down with a jumping swinging ddt.
he then goes out to the ring apron and grabs as many chairs as he can, 4 or 5, and piles them up in the ring.
crowbar rolls back into the ring, and bulldogs al snow onto the chairs. crowbar then grabs al's hair, and walks him into the corner, where crowbar steps up the turnbuckles, and sits on the top rope, where he delivers a top rope face buster to al snow for the pin, at 7:30.
opening match:
the jung dragons and kaientai VS three count and the hardy boys
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match goes about 1/3 an hour long, with all the usual spots. ends when kaz slips on the ropes during a plancha attempt, taking out matt, and his partner yang. three count dominates funaki as jeff hardy hits a swanton on taka, then picks him up and attempts a twist of fate, but taka gives him a low blow and scoops him up for the michinoku driver and the pin at 32:00
as the hardys and three count group in the ring, kaientai and the jung dragons back up the ring, and funaki takes the mic: "why did you think we wouldn't resort to cheating? after all, we are EEEEEEVIIIIILLLLL!!!", then he holds the mic up in the air as the victors all yell "INDEEEEEEED!"...
cut to a scene backstage at the APA headquarters:
kronik walks by the free-standing wooden door, giggles, and knocks.
farooq and bradshaw: COME IN!
kronik enters.
adams: hey, you two look like a pair of hip dudes... want some bud?
bradshaw: damn straight!
farooq: you boys are about to learn that the apa never refuses an ice cold beer!
clark and adams lower their shades and look at eachother.
adams: no, not a budweiser... it's 4:19... got a minute?
farooq and bradshaw slam their beers down on the table and stand up in a rage.
farooq: you think you can just come back here and offer that crap to us?
bradshaw: we wouldn't touch that stuff, and neither should you guys. it pays to be on the top of your game in this business!
clark: yeah, i'm sure drinking beer and smoking cigars while playing cards backstage will keep you in condition...
kronik laughs together.
bradshaw: oh, you got a problem with us, smartasses? well, if you're not too doped up, why don't you meet us in the ring, ya' pipe smokin' pretty boys?!
adams: hah! you got it, ya' beer swillin' redneck...
farooq: why, you stupid bastard!
bradshaw holds farooq back as kronik calmly walk away, as we cut back to the ring, surrounded by a sell-out crowd...
second match:
steve corino VS billy kidman
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billy kidman comes out and grabs a mic...
kidman: when i got here tonight, they told me i was going up against "the king of oldschool". 'king of oldschool'? i already BEAT HOGAN once! *pop from the crowd* but then they said i wasn't facing hogan, i was facing steve corino. i've got one question for all of you... WHO THE HELL IS STEVE CORINO? i heard he used to wrestle in bingo halls up north, but i wouldn't know anything about that...
suddenly, steve corino ambushes kidman from behind.
pretty straight-forward light-heavyweight match from here on out until kidman starts dominating... out of nowhere we hear "real american" play over the sound system, and jack victory comes out, dressed as hogan, carrying a singapore cane... this distracts kidman, and while he's got corino down, he turns his attention to jack victory. jack victory does all the old hogan poses, and then starts pointing towards kidman. kidman just shrugs, and then turns around, and just BARELY sidesteps a superkick from corino.
corino gets his leg stuck over the top rope, and kidman locks him in for the kidcrusher. he gets the three count at 15:30, and bails out of the ring while jack victory attends to corino.
he jogs up the ramp while fans pat him on the back.
back in the ring, steve is making it back to his feet. he gets a mic, and starts berating jack victory.
corino:GOD! YOU ARE SO USELESS! look at you! some help you were!
jack starts shrugging and trying to apologize to steve.
corino:no, not this time jack. what a LACKEY you are! i was only joking about the hogan suit you MORON! i'm surprised you even fit into it, you fucking slob!"
jack puts his hands on his hips, and cocks his head to the side. the crowd pops.
corino:oh, what? you wanna do something about that?!
jack cracks corino over the head with the singapore cane, which sends him reeling back into the ropes and right back towards jack for another square blow to the head. corino is bleeding a little now, and he lands on his back on the mat.
jack does some more hogan poses, and then rips his yellow t-shirt off, and heads up to the top rope. the fans are going wild. jack stops, and acts like he's re-thinking it.
instead, he grabs a steel chair from under the ring, and brings it up to the top rope with him.
he then goes for a top-rope leg drop across steve's face, and tucks the steel chair under his leg right before he lands.
the crowd goes wild.
jack victory walks towards the backstage area, while "real american" blares over the sound system.
third match:
kronik VS the acolytes
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both teams make their way down to the ring, and start in on an average slugfest. the acolytes dominate for the first few minutes, but seems to lose a little steam. kronik capitalize on this, and they keep farooq from making the tag. bradshaw storm into the ring, distracting the ref, while kronik attempts a "high time", but get a double-clothesline from farooq, allowing him to make the hot tag to bradshaw. bradshaw gets in, and clotheslines adams and clark down. the acolytes taunt their opponents and wait for them to get up and turn around, as the acolytes hit their finishers, the dominator, and the clothesline from hell, and then get a DOUBLE pin on kronik, even though farooq was technically the legal man, at 15:15.
fourth match:
chris jericho VS a mystery opponent
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jericho makes his way to the ring, to HUGE fanfare from the crowd.
jericho:ladies and germs, welcome to FANTASY PPV - IS - JERICHO! i gotta tell you, nothing is worse than facing a mystery opponent. most wrestlers will tell you that it's hard to beat an opponent that you haven't had the time to research and study, but for me, it's because i won't be able to think up and witty puns to thow at them - so lets cut to the chase and GET - IT - ON!!!
some spooky music hits that no one recognizes, and then - VAMPIRO emerges from backstage, and makes his way to the ring. as he's just stepping off the steel ramp onto the ringside mats, jericho makes a suicide dive through the ropes at vampiro, and connects with it.
vampiro and jericho both get to their feet at the same time. jericho starts towards vamp with a grapple, but he counters it with a kick to the groin, followed by a fast ddt onto the steel ramp.
vampiro then pulls jericho towards the ring by his hair, and throws him in, and then enters the ring himself, as the bell rings, and this match is officiall underway.
lots of martial arts kicks and reversals by vampirom until jericho starts using some mat techniques, and sumissions. vamp then starts using more brawling techniques, and submission moves himself, in an attempt to slow jericho down, and control the pace of the match. standard battle back and forth until jericho hits an irish whip and a leaping forearm, followed by a lionsault. the crowd goes wild.
jericho then picks vamp up, and brings him towards the ropes, where he hooks vamp in for a tarantula. the ref orders jericho to break the hold, but jericho refuses. the ref warns him again, and even starts trying to break the hold physically. jericho then removes the hold, but starts arguing with the ref, and even pushes him.
meanwhile, vampiro launches at jericho from the ring apron, over the ropes with a missile dropkick, scoops him up and hits his "nail in the coffin" for the fast three count from the mad ref at 14:00.
fifth match:
chris benoit and tazz VS scott steiner and kurt angle
30 minute tag team suplex match
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the fink explains the rules of this match to us...
fink: this is a tag team suplex match. the tag team to get the highest number of suplexes within the 30 minute time limit will be the victor. suplexes can only be scored by the legal man. there is no rest period after each suplex. a tie will result in an instant sudden death period. there are no pins. submission moves are allowed, but causing your opponent to tap out will not result in a win for your team.
tazz and benoit start this one off, with some mat moves, and some brawling. kurt angle almost scores the first suplex, but tazz blocks it and turns it into a tazzplex. angle quickly crawls to his corner, and tags in big poppa pump, who kicks tazz in the gut, goes for an irish whip, and clotheslines tazz. ge picks him up, and starts to lock in for a suplex, but tazz locks him in instead, and delivers some trapping headbutts.
as steiner is recovering, tazz tags in benoit, who immediately scores one for his team with a pump-handle overhead release suplex. steiner fakes being injured, and lures benoit in for a belly-to-belly suplex, and immediately runs and tags angle in.
angle licks his chops, and laughs as he moves towards the downed benoit. as angle reaches down to lock his arms around benoit, he's knocked down to the mat as benoit pulls his legs out from underneath him. benoit then locks in the indian deathlock, and tortures the hell out of angle's knee.
benoit tags tazz in, who starts some old-school brawling and a few irish whip spots with angle, but angle powers over tazz, and scores a german suplex for his team.
this continues, back and forth right up until 27:30, when the score is tied at 4 to 4.
the turning point in the match is when benoit is being dominated by angle near tazz, who's desperate to make the tag. angle sets benoit up for the ankle lock, but benoit is determined to make his way towards tazz. just before he makes the tag, the ref is distracted by steiner, who storms the ring. so, technically, benoit is the legal man.
steiner suplexes tazz right before the clock reaches 30:00 but the referee explains to steiner that it didn't count, as fink announces that the sudden death overtime period has started.
as steiner argues with the ref, tazz clotheslines him out of the ring. angle, thinking benoit is too worn down to get up, starts towards tazz, only to get a stiff punch in the jaw from him, and as he stumbles backwards, he walks right into benoit, who immediately locks in and delivers three consecutive german suplexes, winning the match with 7 suplexes to 4, at 32:11.
main event:
steve austin and hunter hearst helmsley VS mystery opponents.
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stone cold and hunter make a low-heat entrance, both coming down at the same time with vince's "no chance" theme music...
they both get in the ring, and hunter demands a microphone.
hunter:ALRIGHT! enought of this BULLSHIT! we want to know who our opponents are, and we want to know NOW!
hunter hands the mic to austin.
austin:damn STRAIGHT! i ain't worked my ass off for 10 years in this business to come out here and deal with this gimmicky bullshit! whoever's backstage that's supposed to face us - bring your lil' carcasses down to this ring right NOW!... maybe you didn't hear me - i SAID 'NOW"...
vince appears on the titantron.
vince:well, hello there, hunter. how ya' doin' stone cold? y'know, recently, the two of you have been a real disappointment. hunter, you lost your belt to a LIGHTWEIGHT! and austin, you only joined sides with me in the first place because you KNEW you couldn't fight the system anymore. look at the two of you. you're PATHETIC.
so, you want to fight your opponents right now...? well, here they are...
the lights go out. and when they come back on, we see...
KEVIN NASH AND SCOTT HALL. crowd pops.
nash: i see the two of you have been running around here, making quite a name for yourselves... what is it that they call you again? "the two man power trip"? well, just in case you forgot, scott and i were the ORIGINAL two man power trip when the two of you were still jobbin' for the man, and you know what? we didn't need steel chairs to back it up, either... you got anything to say to these chumps, scott?
hall: hey, YO!
crowd pops huge
hall: yeah, that felt pretty good. i guess i really don't have much to say, so gimmie a "HELL YEAH!" if you want us to show these punks how to REALLY "play the game"!
huge "hell yeah!" from the crowd, as stone cold throws a fit, and the outsiders make their way to the ring.
triple h argues with austin on who'll start the match off, and stone cold eventually goes to their corner, as hall walks right up and stands face to face with him. an intense stare-down gets the crowd on their feet, and hall and hunter start throwing punches back and forth.
hunter starts to get the upper hand on hall, and backs him up into the ropes. hunter throws a punch, but hall ducks it, and as hunter spins back around, hall irish whips him, and locks him up with a sleeper hold which he turns into a neckbreaker drop.
as hall stands over hunter, he flicks his hair grease onto hunter, which angers him.
as hunter gets up on his feet and starts towards scott, hall just reaches back and lets nash tag himself in. hunter looks back at austin, who instantly starts jawing with the crowd.
as hunter realizes what he's in for, he drops to his knees, and starts pleading, ala rick flair nash just looks down at him, removes his shoulder straps, and grabs hunter by his hair, implying that he's going for a powerbomb, this early into the match. hunter counters with a low blow, and a quick tag to austin.
steve's in, and he pulls all the usual spots. irish whip on nash, into a knee to the gut. mud-whole stomping. a reversal on an irish whip into a lou thesz press knuckle, but hall reverses it into a choke-bomb (or a "baldo-bomb"). quick tag to hall by nash.
hall picks austin up and slaps him across the face. austin and hall then go straight into old-fashioned brawling with lefts and rights to eachother's faces until hall ducks austin's punch, and hits him with a ddt.
hunter's seen enough, and he grabs his sledgehammer. nash sees this, and distracts the ref by getting into the ring. vince comes out of nowhere, and grabs the sledgehammer away from hunter, who becomes irate, and starts chasing mcmahon around there ring. vince slides back into the ring, and as hunter follows and chases him through the ring, he catches a big boot from nash.
nash rolls hunter outside the ring, and vince hands the sledgehammer to him, which he uses it on hunter in a russian leg sweep on the steel ramp.
back in the ring, hall reverses a desperate stunner into a sleeper drop, as nash comes back into the ring.
the crowd goes wild.
nash looks at hall, hall looks at nash, and they both pose for the crowd.
nash sits on the top turnbuckle, and hall carts austin's prone body over to the corner, and helps hall set austin up for what looks like a big powerbomb, but just when nash has austin's legs up on his shoulders, right before he powers him down to the mat, hall stands in front of him, and strikes a familiar pose.
the crowd goes absolutely apeshit.
just as nash begins to release austin, hall spikes steve with the razor's edge, and the pin.
hall and nash pose in the ring, and roll austin outside the ring, where hunter is just barely coming to his senses, and they manage to crawl halfway up the ramp, as the crowd goes wild, and nash and hall are soaking it up in the ring.
fade to black. wwf logo. the end.
(Edited by JuggleFoe at 12:36 am on May 6, 2001)
(Edited by JuggleFoe at 3:10 am on May 6, 2001)
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