Big Dumb Face

I could regret many things about the entire ordeal, for instance, I should have been in the truck with them. i should have spent the night at zane's house. i should have done something to have kept him home. but i couldn't have known and so i couldn't have done anything. although, i do wish i had sex with him like he wanted to while we were out in the water. or on the beach. or in the car.

Yes, you could, but in the end, would they have changed anything? Know now, that everything the future holds, is shaped by his death. It will have effect on everything that happens to you from now on, as it has had an effect on you. You had your reasons for doing things the way you did back then. Unless you didn't do what you felt was right, there is nothing to regret. Our present, is all our history combined.

What do/did you think a person should do when a loved one dies? Answer this, and then do so. You mind is now clouded by the shock, and thus thoughts that come to mind now, or before the rebirth of you, tend to become clouded. Draw upon what you were before.

The reason I didn't is because I'm holding off any sexual relations at all until I have the HIV test done. Not to say that I do, but I just want to be sure about whatever it may be. Though I doubt it seriously.

it's always better to be safe than sorry.

Unless you're terribly afraid of what it may or may not tell you. I fear the outcome, and the consequences there after. It's a terrifying thought.

i suppose. i'd rather know, personally.

I do too, very much so. But the thought still frightens me. And I'm not one to be afraid of anything.

What do you think you would do if you discovered you were positive? Would you 'give up' in one way or another or would you fight it?

Personally, I'd fight it. There's still so much I want to do. If I know others have fought the virus and won (I remember hearing a few cases where folks have beat it), I'd definitely fight it.

I'd fight it as well. I'd also refrain from sex with anyone. I mean, come on. But still, I have so much I still want to see.  So much i still want to experience. But I suppose everyone who has HIV feels the same way. No one deserves to die really. Except those who do. Like my mother's whore girlfriend.