Do You Know? | Do You Need To?

Yeah...I seem to have only non-believer friends...

Well, you're a Bishop, so get on with the convertin'.

BTW, I read 'The Prophet' again today. Damn, those words in the part 'Of Love' made me feel guilty.

As we walked up the hill we talked, words of the beauty of the world. A world you make beautiful by the way you percieve it. Each second I spend with you, I scorn those that know you everyday, and do not realize how lucky they are. Those people who do not take the time to absorb you as I do, and to take in every part of the perfection that is you.

You commented that you would have to round up today's activivties at 4 o'clock, and I expressed some regret over this, because the time would be entirly consummed with work, and we would have no time to lay and talk as ever. You looked at me as I said this, but not in bemusement, and conceeded. Did you, as I did, enjoy our 'stolen' time together. Our repreive from the work, and the entering into each other's souls? Did you long for the time when, our bodies close together, the rest of the world melted away from us, and we were two souls, two bodies, two lives entwined, forever undisturbed.


So, when we reached my house, we headed not for the dark seclusion and work of the garage, but instead for my bedroom, and a choice of video to favour us both (Rocky Horror Picture Show). As I pushed the tape in the player, and turned round to face you, I saw that you had set yourself on my bed, with one arm outstreached for me to fall into. This I did with a sigh of happiness. As the film progessed, we moved a little, untill we were both comfortable. We lay there, our legs entwined, arms around each other, faces touching. We payed only the littlest of attention to the film. (And this being a favourite film of both of us, this is a big deal). Every so often, I would feel a pressure from you as you pulled me closer to you. There was no actual point to this, as we could not be any closer, but the gesture itself made my heart leap, and my body shake. Did you notice this? Did you know the caus behind it? Or are you oblivious?

Then there are the small gestures, that take me into two different worlds. Two separate, contrastig gestures that make me feel whole. One is your hand placed on my backside, amking me feel sexy, and wanted, desired as a woman. The other is your finger gently stroking my back, tenderness and affection displayed. With these two gestures, to which you may or may not have given considertion, you made my heart ache, and my love for you grew, if that were at all possible. Did you mean these as tokens of emotion, or were they thoughtless movements?

Later, as the video moved on to behind the scene interviews, you grew tired, and allowed your head to drop so that it rested against the pillow, beneath my head. In this way, I could feel your warm breath upon my cheek. You pulled me closer to you again, and every instinct in my body pulled to turn my head slightly, and kiss you....

You left it into a bad spot. Then what happened? (I feel like a kid tugging momma by the sleeve "Come on! Tell me more! What happened next?")

What happened was the film was long finished, and he was an hour later leaving than planned.... I see him again tommorow.... and I havn;t seen him since I think he inadvertantly found out that I think he has feelings for me.... wonder if he will mention it tommorow???

Hmmm... Damn. For once I hoped for a happy ending...

Ummmmmm, define happy?

Nothing has changed.... we are still VERY close, but no closer.....

Yes, that'd be the 'happy ending'. Getting closer.

How does this sound for closer?

Lying on my bed, UNDER the blankets, on of my arms around his neck, the other hand on his leg, one of his arms under me, him making small circles on my back with his other hand, playing footsie, my nose resting on his chin, so that his mouth was just centimeters from mine, me shaking with ever movement he made, fear and anticipation wrating every limb.....

Hmm... That does sound closer.

And, what confuses me is he kept on pressing me into him, pulling me closer, so that we were pressed right against each other

K. I see what you mean. That is quite hinting, but if he denies it...

Ach.

I want to find a way to tell him how i feel without words, because, however articulate I normally am, when I go to discuss my emotions, I go to pot.... how am I supposed to let him know how I feel?

Haven't the slightest.

What's wrong with that guy? Damned. Maybe you should just look into his eyes with all that love and then just kiss him! On his lips. But what's wrong with him? Why aren't you together yet? Something's wrong here.