I know where this'll lead.

I need a job. I've 10€ on my account and another 10€ in my wallet.

Plus

I need to start to read for the test if I want to have a shot at getting into theat university. I'm sure that one day I'll realize that there's only a week before the admittance test, and I've not read a single page.

I'm headed for ruin, my friends. Pure and simple.

So, now I've got money. My unemployment money started coming, and I'll move to Turku on the 30th.

Still need a job and to start to read. I'll get the books in Turku, 'cause it's much easier to get them straight from the university.

I bet I could write anything here and no one would ever know, as this place is as dead as Stark's was before the arrival of the exodi.

*sigh*

A pity. I really liked this board on it's best days. What the hell happened? You guys all got a life that doesn't have computers with NetCon?

Hmm...

I know what my problem is. I don't have internet at work, and i leave home at seven am and retunr home at 10, so there's no time...Dunno about Foe or the girls. Or Inertia for that matter. We were only six or seven hear, but it was great.

And about your predicament, it is one of the toughest. But once you'll get a job...I dunno what to say. I am too tired.

yeah.

it's too easy to stop coming here when other people make themselves strangers.

it becomes infectious.

I'm still kicking around, suprisingly, just getting on with my life.

Thankfully, with the change of season, the black clouds have lifted over me too, so yes...

Well I just came down.  Hard. I realizecd (again) that practically all progress over the past 9 months has been like running on a cnveyorbelt. I've had a good pace but no actual progress.

I realized that practically all of my person is just so much nothing. That I don't, in the end, have really that much own personality. I hurt. After all this crap got wasted again, I've finally began to see clearly. I've noticed many new buildings, signs in shops that tell where different stuff is located, that there are actually people out there. And I've stopped running into things. The world seems strange. There's so much in it that I'm constantly getting all confused.

I'm confused with myself too. I really don't know what I want, what I am, what I'd want to be. It's like everyone else were given the manual of life with me being left clueless.

Today I felt something I definitely hadn't experienced before. When I described the sensation I got from taking the kitten out and watching it gape at the world, the girls looked at me in silence for a moment and then told me that it was joy. I have never felt that. It was the best thing I've ever felt. I just want to feel it again. Taking this into consideration, it hasn't all been bad.

I just hope that I'll manage to start making real progress this time. That I'll manage to summon the courage to take control of my life. To live.

Well doesn't that make me feel like complete shit?

My absence has been because of my stays in the hospital. My first stay in the hospital lasted about a week, but my second stay lasted a lot longer. I only just got out a few weeks ago. I also moved a second time, so the internet was out for a while.
My first absence was because of the very abrupt move I made from Kathy's house to our apartment on the beach. Then, HB just really lost it's life after I left (not to sound too narcissistic), so I didn't frequent so much.
Anyhow, I'm out of the hospital now and I really, really miss how it used to be.

I really, really miss you too, Ile.
Oi.

Erm... Was that last one sarcastic?

I'm really terrible when it comes to realizing sarcasm and stuff without hearing.

Didn't mean to make it sound so harsh, but this has happened enough many times to me to start annoying me. I've learned stuff, but haven't... erm... realized what's what I want and what's what other people want.

Now I've been living according to my own values and wants after that, and am starting to really feel emotions. It's like a brand new world for me. X-mas every day. I'm beginning to see why people like living and do things they do. Why they jump around and scream and stuff when they're really happy and other stuff like that. I've even started to use colours other than black.

It was sincerity. I do miss you. I'm practically on my back here saying I love you and you're kicking me in the ribs.
Oi.
Anyhow, let's say good-o, my friend, because we're just that-- friends.
Ah.
Anyhow, colours other than black are beautiful. My personal favourites are yellow and bright, bold red. Mmm...
I miss everyone, why can't we breathe some life into this old hen?

(Edited by Fallen at 9:32 am on April 8, 2002)

I miss you too Ile, I sent you a long hard mail about a wek ago...

Yea Kris, we're still friends.

I gave a shock to my fellow people by wearing a red t-shirt Man, I'm bad. I should probably go buy some summer shoes and quit using combat boots all year long, as has been the case over the last 6 years...

And, Mihnea, 80k mail is a bit long to read considering my current situation. I've read 40k today, and I'll read the rest tomorrow (been really busy setting my life up, again) and reply, unless something shows up. But I promise it'll have to be a darn good reason for me to not get bac to the net tomorrow and continue.

Yeah , do so I mean...I miss talking to you, I'm not even sure i know of your "current" situation. anyway, this weekend I might be on the net longer than usual so...

We went to a local burger joint today on my treat to celebrate the raise in my unemployment money. It raised with over a 100€/month to a net of 375€/month, and after the tax return comes in, it'll be closer to 450€ a month.