Salvation

       "I'm running out of room, don t make me say it- and I want the life you think I have"    
       I can feel the hard floor beneath me. The room is dark and cast with tints of blue from the television. I can hear the static coming from the snowy screen, but I can t bring myself to turn it off.
       I stare blankly at the floor and notice the glitter in the bracelets around my wrists. They sparkle and glisten in the blue hues of the dark room. I look up at the snowy screen again and it fades to a dull grey as I feel a lone, warm tear slide down my face.
       The ceiling fan above pushes my hair in front of my face, getting caught amidst the tears. They quickly dry and I take a deep breath, pushing myself up onto the bed.
       Please don t make me hurt you. Just please don t push it anymore. I don t want to hurt you, but I don t want to hurt myself either. Don t make me do this- but it s already done. You just don t know yet.
        I'm seeing someone, and you don t know it yet. But I'm not crying about that.
        I wouldn t cry about that.
        I lost feeling for this, a long time ago. Too long ago. I'm crying because, I don t know what I'm going to do now BJ. I don t know what s going to happen next. This uncertainty scares me. But I'm not supposed to be afraid. I'm supposed to be strong remember? But what if I can't be strong anymore? What if I don t want to be?
        I'm still just a child. I don t want to play grown up anymore. I want to be the person you think I am. I want to know the things you think I do. I want to be as strong as you think I am. I want that life you think I have...  


(Edited by Fallen at 10:18 pm on Jan. 15, 2002)