Salvation

       There s this state of unawareness that I reside in now. This oblivion I've softly fell into.
       My hand goes numb as I slide it across the cold tabletop. It s an off-white cream color with flecks of brown and gold amongst it. The lights hanging from overhead show in the reflection of the glossy tabletop. And I slip further into my oblivion. The soft blue, cool hues of my oblivion.
       I stare blankly at the glossy tabletop as they sit down before me. I don t look up as I see something no one else can see. I can hear the noises coming from the gaping messes in their faces. All they do is talk. The eerie laughter makes me cringe over and over again.
       I touch the cold tabletop once more.
       It feels so cool against my skin. I look up and my mother possesses a suddenly vacant stare. I used to pity her, now I only despise her. The sorrow that I once held for her has been replaced by an utmost amount of hatred.
       I can smell the scent of her cigarettes burning in my nose. It reminds me of the late night conversations I have with Bradley. Sometimes I smoke three or four cigarettes right after each other. And at other times, a cigarette even being near my face disgusts me. Being near my mother disgusts me. People disgust me.
        I look at my mother again and her vacant stare makes me almost sick. I look back down at the reflection of the lights hanging overhead on the tabletop.
       And I'm slipping further into the soft blue hues of my oblivion. My state of unawareness, where your blank stares can t hurt me any longer.
       The tabletop feels so cool against my skin...


(Edited by Fallen at 10:37 pm on Jan. 15, 2002)