Do You Know? | Do You Need To?

You had spent the whole day with me, as usual, as ever. We had played our usual games, where you would pretend to insult me, and I would pretend to be offended. You would tickle me, and I would wrestle you untill I had you pinned, and we were both giggling. Then I would pretend that you had overpowered me, and now managed to pin me. Did you know I was pretending? That I wanted you to pin me? That I like to feel under your power?

As usual, we would stop for a rest, and you would spread over the whole of the big matress that was left among the junk in my garage, which we use to lay upon when exhausted from cleaning. And as usual, I would throw myself upon you to claim some of the matress back. Did you ever know it was you I wanted to claim, not the old disused construction of springs and materials- that means nothing to me, nothing. I lay half on top of you, and asked you to submit. Did you know I didn't mean surrender the matress, but to surrender yourself to me. I asked you would you like me to move now, and you said no need to. Did you know? Did you feel it too? Was this the way you wanted it to be? Could you feel as I did the warmth of our two bodies, and did it fill you with the same simultanious sense of longing and fear?

Soon the dark of the night crept over the garage, and we reconviened our revels to the confines of my bedroom. There was nothing openly sexual between us, but did you feel as I did the tension beneath the surface that bubbled within until you feel like you could burst with the consealed emotion, and the hidden heart? Did you want, as much as I did, to place our lips together, to become one in each others arms, to forget what we cannot have, bound by our plutonic facade. For me anyway it was a facade. Does it mean the same to you? Do you view our friendship as an apperence, or do you truely have from me now what you wish?

We lay on my bed to talk, as innocent as babes. Perhaps one of your arms would rest against me. Or maybe I would rest my head upon your arm. Or, bringing most comfort to us both, you would lay your head upon my stomach, and I would place an arm around you. Did you feel the closeness to be more than an outward show of friendship? Do you feel the same movement in your stomach as I felt in mine? The one that makes my stomach leap each time I see you, or each time we touch? I am the person to whom you bare your soul. You are the same to me. But you are so much more. At the risk of souning like a worn out tale of romance, you are my reason for living.

When you left, I sank down into my bed, and breathed in every last atom of you that had been left on my pillow. You became part of me, as I hope to become part of you. The sent of you filled me with life, and gave me hope. For you had left with me a part of you, and I hoped that forever you would be with me, as I am with you.

(Edited by CardsForSorrow at 2:55 pm on July 14, 2001)