Fire Quenched | thought I'd share a poem I wrote

Cool, ok here goes...
PUNCTUATION!!! and deliberately place your line breaks in strategic places.
Is this supposed to mean anything? or is it kinda like a metaphor for nothing...(like it sounds good but doesn't mean anything) If you are going for an image, don't use too many obscure references, or they will confuse the reader. It definitely sounds cool, but I dunno what an english teacher would say about it... Poems mean much more if they convey a feeling, leaving the reader thinking, 'whoah...' after they read it. It doesn't have to be about anything exciting like 'fire quenched'. i mean c'mon i wrote about taking my dog to the frickin lake, but it sounds like a big deal... I dunno what you were trying to do when you wrote this, so all I can do is guess.
--apoc


Fire Quenched

All energy drains from the world
Even the sun cannot stand to stay for long
It cannot stand to see the bleak lifelessness
And moves quickly on to more pleasant scenes
All the energy drains from me
I don't want to eat, move or speak
So I lie still and watch the sky
The sky so drained of life and color
The heavy dark leaden sky
That is so drained all it can do is weep
Weep so bitterly and coldly that the tears fall as sharp crystals of ice
Weep so long and harsh that everything is buried
I lie here unmoving and unmoved
As the sharp bitter crystals fill and bury me
And weep silently.....

yeah as i said before, it doesn't make any sense if you look at the literal images... A poem is more powerful if you use literal images, and then use cool metaphors or similies to describe them. There obviously aren't sharp bitter crystals filling and burying you... so what does it mean???

--apoc again