sensitivity level

when i was a kid, everything hurt.

brushing my hand across some bark hurt.

walking barefoot hurt.

breathing hurt.

i look back on myself, and i see my skin.

in my memories, it looks like the weak pink exoskeleton of a lobster, or a crab.

all nerves exposed, and standing upright, with blood vessels and arteries lying directly beneath.

but the more i got scuffed up and scarred, like any little american monsterboy does, it started hurting less and less.

when i was 3 i remarked to my grandmother that if my wounds never healed, sooner or later, i'd just be one big scab. that's a mental image that's stuck with me for a long time.

that image, and the concept of becoming numb to pain have lead me to identify with a number of strange characters in stories throughout my life.

frankenstein. golems. comic book characters like wolverine, and the maxx. cartoon characters like the lumbering tar-ape from 'the hurculoids'. mick foley, or more precisely, mankind and cactus jack...

and it makes me wonder if other people follow this same course: being physically sensitive as youths, and becoming more calloused and numb as time goes on.

of course, what happens to your body is reflected in your mind, and vice versa, so how deeply has this influenced who i am, mentally.

yeah, like many people, i refuse to let myself cry, most of the time.

i only really cry when i know i'll probably never see someone again, for whatever reason.

will i eventually get a point where i don't cry at all?

will i cry when my mother dies?

This yours or someone else's? Anyhoo, I like it. It has a nice quality like being a note in a diary or slice of thoughts from the middle of the night when you can't sleep. And it consists a good thought.

yep, you can blame this one on me...

I love it. Reminds me of Unbreakable somehow.

I can see what you mean...

I liked it. I can really relate. Have you ever had a relative die, but you just didn't feel sad about it and cry? In my opinion, it hurts more when I see one of my other family members, like the decesed's spouse or sibling, get upset about them passing away.

I... don't have many feelings. When they come to me, they come in small bursts of maybe 10-20min or a few hours  long. That isn't often.

But that text got me to feel something. Some peace and some warmth. And that's why I must tip my hat off to Foe. He gave me little more hope.

Besides the fact that I loved it, it also surprised me coming from Foe. Kick ass.

uhh...

i'm not sure how to take that, amor.

huh...

too bad i deleted the page of my geocities account that had a bunch of my poetry on it...

oh well...

Don't get me wrong Foe. I was simpy impying that it's not often that you post things like this...Not that I remeber anyway, you were always posting on specific topics, or thoughts, or arguing with somebody, this was something rare. But very beautiful. I can't wait for more of the same.

d'oh.

i forgot to slap "j/k" after your name in that previous post.

oopsie.

Oh. No prob, I didn't take it the wrong way. I probably would have explained that anyway.