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+--- Thread: Poem? | ...or verbal pollution (/showthread.php?tid=263)
Poem? | ...or verbal pollution - Girl Fly - Aug 30, 2001
You bring tingles to the spine I thought boneless
And your reassuring rhetoric eases me into the conversation of the evening
The dark cold evening
Motherless yet more for being myself
When I tap at your keys, you answer
And when I knock the combination, you're there
How wonderful, how perfect that you're there
That you are.
Poem? | ...or verbal pollution - WillowStyx - Aug 31, 2001
I kinda like it. It has a lasting intrinsic 'tingly' quality which is good.
My only real problem with it is this line:
"And your reassuring rhetoric eases me into the conversation of the evening"
It just dosent really fit...
I'd suggest you replace it with something simpler but which still gets your point across.
Poem? | ...or verbal pollution - Girl Fly - Aug 31, 2001
"simpler"?
I don't do Anglo Saxon.