As one who holds a butterfly in his hands must let it free, for all to enjoy the beauty, so was I released, but unwillingly so, being that I was the butterfly longing to be held enternally
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Reason? I went back to 'the' field at the weekend (taking my best friend for support), to re-assess how I feel. Have decided to phone Daniel, and arrange to meet so we can 'talk'
This is beautiful. What happened? Beautifully said I mean.
What do you mean when you say what happened?
To make you write this, now?
Because, well because things appear as if they may finaly be comming to a head, so to speak
It's times like RIGHT NOW that I wish I was a swearing person. I just found out that Daniel has just sort of broken up with a girlfriend. As well as the obvious blow from the news, this sort of makes now the WORST possible time to talk to him, because the last time I talked to him was just after he had broken up with someone, and it lead to me feeling used by him, as it were.
Well, today I saw Daniel for the first time in over 4 months. And... I walked right passed him. I am under the impression that he did not see me, and by the time I had stopped myself from feeling like I was going to be sick from the acrobatics my stomache was doing, he had passed.....
And again, do I know the feeling...
I'll let you know what happens... but I'm not horribly hopefull at the moment.....
And it's better like that. Again, I hope you won't be in my situation...Because with that thing I told you about, the last push was the most traumatizing and hurtfull. The latest and most desperate try was the most damaging.
Good luck. And do not get your hopes too high...It will minimize the hurt or maximize the joy...