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Thread Review for Big Dumb Face (newest post first)
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Fallen
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Posted on 10:13 pm on July 19, 2001
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I'd fight it as well. I'd also refrain from sex with anyone. I mean, come on. But still, I have so much I still want to see. So much i still want to experience. But I suppose everyone who has HIV feels the same way. No one deserves to die really. Except those who do. Like my mother's whore girlfriend.
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Robb Force
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Posted on 7:46 pm on July 19, 2001
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What do you think you would do if you discovered you were positive? Would you 'give up' in one way or another or would you fight it?
Personally, I'd fight it. There's still so much I want to do. If I know others have fought the virus and won (I remember hearing a few cases where folks have beat it), I'd definitely fight it.
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Fallen
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Posted on 9:13 pm on July 11, 2001
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I do too, very much so. But the thought still frightens me. And I'm not one to be afraid of anything.
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JuggleFoe
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Posted on 8:33 pm on July 11, 2001
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i suppose. i'd rather know, personally.
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Fallen
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Posted on 6:00 pm on July 11, 2001
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Unless you're terribly afraid of what it may or may not tell you. I fear the outcome, and the consequences there after. It's a terrifying thought.
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JuggleFoe
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Posted on 5:14 pm on July 11, 2001
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it's always better to be safe than sorry.
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Fallen
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Posted on 4:48 pm on July 11, 2001
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The reason I didn't is because I'm holding off any sexual relations at all until I have the HIV test done. Not to say that I do, but I just want to be sure about whatever it may be. Though I doubt it seriously.
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Glacialis
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Posted on 4:15 pm on July 11, 2001
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Yes, you could, but in the end, would they have changed anything? Know now, that everything the future holds, is shaped by his death. It will have effect on everything that happens to you from now on, as it has had an effect on you. You had your reasons for doing things the way you did back then. Unless you didn't do what you felt was right, there is nothing to regret. Our present, is all our history combined.
What do/did you think a person should do when a loved one dies? Answer this, and then do so. You mind is now clouded by the shock, and thus thoughts that come to mind now, or before the rebirth of you, tend to become clouded. Draw upon what you were before.
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Fallen
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Posted on 4:02 pm on July 11, 2001
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I could regret many things about the entire ordeal, for instance, I should have been in the truck with them. i should have spent the night at zane's house. i should have done something to have kept him home. but i couldn't have known and so i couldn't have done anything. although, i do wish i had sex with him like he wanted to while we were out in the water. or on the beach. or in the car.
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Glacialis
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Posted on 3:48 pm on July 11, 2001
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You have good memories of him among the last ones. It could've been a lot worse: You could've been fighting for instance. If you have any regrets about something, it'd be best to go through with them. Otherwise they'll get buried under grief, and start gnawing at your being. I speak this from experience.
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Fallen
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Posted on 3:36 pm on July 11, 2001
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I walked away from the drug addiction that i started at such a young age. for a long time i kept entirely clean. last wednesday, however, i smoked enough ganja to kill someone with jason and zane. but i couldn't have wished for someone better to have done it with. they were both very proud of me to have stayed clean for so long and a little ganja didn't throw me back into it, although i was afraid it might have led me back. but i'll be okay. and maybe someday i'll be able to know what okay is.
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Glacialis
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Posted on 3:28 pm on July 11, 2001
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Khalil Gibran once said, that we do not learn things truly by heart only by knowing them. We have to go through them so many times, that we become them. If you want and go through the thought enough times, it will just one day click and become clear as a mountain brooke. It does not have to happen intensively. Just every now and then, and with emotion.
If you go for the drugs, I won't give you any moral lectures. I went for booze. But in the end, it didn't help more than 'til the effects wore off. During one of my walks, I had a moment of clarity, like in before times, and realized, that I will not survuve, unless I take the thing head on. After almost 2 years of trying, I am finally starting to get up from the dark. All I ask, is for you to do anything you feel deep down, is right. Do not care for the morals, ethics or thoughts of others, for your life is your own, and no-one else's.
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Fallen
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Posted on 3:15 pm on July 11, 2001
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jason lived along the same rules. and i aspire to, but i'm condemned to this house. i lived once very daringly, and it led to a drug addiction and more angst. but oddly enough i wish for it again.
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Glacialis
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Posted on 3:05 pm on July 11, 2001
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The thoughts of Lao Tse are ones of wisdom. Ideas of Taoism in general, made me realize the workings of life better. That the future has not yet been born, and will become what it will, it is not in our grasp. Past is gone, and we cannot change it. There is only this moment, and it is perfect in every sense.
That is why I live every day so, that I have no regrets after it. If I die unexpectedly, there's no reason for me to feel sorry, and it was to belong to that moment, that I die. Sad but true, we do not usually learn this before it is too late.
My grandmother was about to die 1½ weeks ago. I was blamed for being cold for not showing any effect. I know she will die. I will die. Death is not the opposite of life, it's the opposite of birth.
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Fallen
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Posted on 2:51 pm on July 11, 2001
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it's such a difficult thing to grasp, such a violent end and a very abrupt transition. i spent the entire day wednesday with him, and then he was gone. and i won't get to spend another wednesday with him again.
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Amor Fati
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Posted on 2:47 pm on July 11, 2001
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I am so lucky...I have seen both sides...I've been in the dark and now...
(Edited by Amor Fati at 2:48 pm on July 11, 2001)
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Fallen
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Posted on 2:46 pm on July 11, 2001
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where everyone has empty hopes and dreams
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Glacialis
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Posted on 2:40 pm on July 11, 2001
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So you're in it now. Why is it only in suffering, that we see clearly? The imitation of life most of us are leading. Fulfilling the expectations of others. It's no life. It's an empty shell.
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Fallen
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Posted on 2:26 pm on July 11, 2001
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The purpose of posting this, was not to display talent or lack of, but to express something worse than i've ever felt before. yet something i've been forced to endure over and over again. jason has died. zane's life has lost meaning apart from me. and i am left weeping in the aftermath. i returned today from the funeral. everything so non-chalant, ones weeping for attention, sympathy. once again i have been completely and utterly disgusted by the human race.
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Glacialis
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Posted on 1:50 pm on July 11, 2001
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Since 'Paper hearts', the first text to make me feel that sweet melancholie again. Thanks.
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---(+ Holy Buffalo +)---
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